RESUME – W. Ryder Page – Seeking Opportunity

Business RyderObjective:

Seeking position as center of attention in a dynamic nuclear family commensurate with experience to date and demonstrated skill-set.


  • Demonstrated growth-focused mindset in context of skill acquisition, extending skills from base level to age appropriate even when faced with multiple failures and/or lack of ability
  • Explored environment from both supine and prostrate positions. Brought variety of objects, both plush and hard plastic to mouth. Successfully experimented with devices embedded with both crinkly-noisy paper and purple corduroy textures. Utilized integrated activity center for exploratory multitasking with attention to development goals (Demonstration)
  • Extended intermediate-level mastery of sitting up, demonstrating the ability to sit up for minutes at a time, as well as the ability to topple over without assistance
  • Ate, digested and output waste product for both liquid and solid-state food products to ensure physical development at an age appropriate level. Solid food products include apples, pears, bananas, sweet potatoes, and peas. Violently disgorged food products found to be offensive and/or unpleasant
  • Received direct reports of two-parent team to ensure the provision of general needs, including food, clothing, shelter and appropriate developmental experiences
  • Mastered skills outlined by Pat The Bunny nightly reading program, including: peekabo, smelling the flowers, feeling daddy’s scratchy face, reading Judy’s book, and putting finger through mummy’s ring.
  • Audibly requested attention as appropriate from direct reports, using a variety of sounds including “Aaah,” “Guuuurrh,” and “aaahbaahbahh.” Demonstrated mastery of said sounds in variety of contexts including home, day care, and various other urban Chicago locations (Demonstration01) | (Demonstration02)
  • Used giggling and “cooing” tactics to extend circle of influence and affection to include grandparents and other interested adult parties (Demonstration)
  • Effected change of location through variety of infant moving devices, including:
    • Hip and arm carries delivered directly from two-parent team
    • 2006 Peg Perego stroller, utilizing single parent unit for ambulatory power and goal-based navigation
    • BabyBjorn baby-moving device. Mastered both inward and outward facing positions
    • Certified user of Graco SafeRide car seat to effect location changes for longer distance trips, generally used in context of 2000 Chrysler Town & Country minivan
  • Supervised in-store acquisition of requisite groceries for familial sustenance, including self and two-parent team
  • Acquired and implemented skills to sleep through entire night from one-night training program incorporating vocal crying and wailing Additionally, demonstrated ability to wake up without cause and summon direct reports through skillful use of vocal crying, as necessary
  • Managed bathing activities as provided by parental team through the entire process, from water submersion to post-bath drying and redressing activities. Integrated splashing and oral exploration of various bath toys including standard rubber duckie toy and classic toy sailboat toy
  • Mastered rhythmic jumping activity, aided by JollyJumper apparatus. Engaged in both one-footed and two-footed jumping (Demonstration)
  • Successfully and socially engaged with other infants ranging in age from 4 months to 1.5 years. Forged relationships and indicated interest through use of patented FaceGrabbing™ technique, as well as eating of both hair and clothing. Shared toys as required by situational constraints; hoarded toys as allowed by grasp and other developed fine motor skills

During stint with current nuclear family, achieved the following measurable outcomes:

  • Household happiness increased 237%
  • Parental embarrassment threshold down 94%
  • Parental skill in managing hazardous materials in a diapering context increased by 118%
  • Parental capacity for love and compassion increased by 982%

Additional Info:

  • Head circumference percentile: 95%
  • Weight percentile: 10%
  • Cuteness percentile: 99%


  1. This is the cutest website ever! Nate says, ” Ryder, thanks for coming over to play for a while tonight!” We’ll have to have another play date soon but I’ll see you on Friday! 🙂

  2. I would like and immediate face to face interview with Ryder Page! I am particularly interested in seeing the giggling and cooing tactics first hand! Let’s set a date, at your convenience of course…

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